Pocketing is a dating term that refers to when one partner keeps the other hidden from their social circles.

Pocketing often occurs when one partner deliberately avoids introducing the other to their friends or family, leaving the relationship confined to a secretive or isolated state. This behavior can be a red flag, signaling a lack of seriousness, commitment, or transparency.

What is Pocketing?

Pocketing is the act of intentionally keeping a partner away from your social environment. This can mean avoiding public appearances together, refusing to introduce them to close friends or family members, or never acknowledging the relationship on social media. While there may be genuine reasons to keep a relationship private in its early stages, pocketing typically involves a level of concealment that goes beyond reasonable boundaries.

The term derives from the idea of “pocketing” someone away, much like you would hide something in your pocket to avoid showing it to others. While some might see this as a way to protect a new relationship from outside judgment, it often raises concerns about the partner’s true intentions.

Why Do People Pocket Their Partners?

1. Fear of Commitment: One of the most common reasons for pocketing is a fear of commitment. The person pocketing may not be ready to fully invest in the relationship and might prefer to keep their options open. By avoiding integrating their partner into their social life, they maintain a level of emotional detachment.
2. Embarrassment or Insecurity: In some cases, the pocketing partner may feel embarrassed or insecure about their relationship. This could stem from differences in social status, appearance, career, or other factors they feel their social circles might judge negatively.
3. Maintaining Control: Pocketing allows one partner to maintain control over the relationship, deciding when and how the relationship is made visible. This dynamic can leave the other partner feeling disempowered, unsure of where they stand in the relationship.
4. Infidelity or Other Hidden Relationships: Unfortunately, pocketing can also be a sign that the partner is hiding more than just the relationship. In some cases, they might be involved with other people and pocketing is a way to avoid detection.

Signs You Might Be Pocketed

If you're concerned that you're being pocketed, here are some warning signs to look for:

• No Social Media Presence: In today’s digital age, many people use social media to showcase their relationships. If your partner is deliberately keeping you off their profiles, or refuses to acknowledge your relationship online, this could be a red flag. While not everyone is into public displays of affection on social media, outright exclusion can be telling.
• No Introductions to Friends or Family: One of the most significant signs of pocketing is never being introduced to important people in your partner’s life. If months have gone by and you haven’t met their friends or family, it’s time to question why.
• Only Meeting in Private Spaces: If all your dates take place at your home, their home, or other private spaces, this might indicate they don’t want to be seen in public with you. While this could be fine in the early stages, over time, it can be problematic if it never changes.
• Avoiding Public Places: If your partner avoids going to places where they could run into people they know, this is a sign that they may not want to publicly acknowledge the relationship.

Real-Life Examples of Pocketing

1. Kate and Jason: Kate had been dating Jason for six months, but she noticed that he never introduced her to his friends, and their dates always took place at his apartment. Despite her hints about meeting his family or going out with his friends, Jason always found an excuse to avoid it. When Kate confronted him, he admitted that he wasn’t sure if he wanted a serious relationship, leaving her feeling pocketed and undervalued.
2. Sarah and Alex: Sarah met Alex through a dating app, and they hit it off quickly. However, she started noticing that Alex never tagged her in photos on social media or mentioned her to his friends. When Sarah suggested meeting his family during the holidays, Alex brushed it off and said it was “too soon.” It became clear to Sarah that Alex wasn’t fully committed, and she ended the relationship.

Why Pocketing is a Red Flag

Pocketing often leads to feelings of insecurity and confusion in the relationship. It can create an imbalance of power, where one person feels they are kept on the sidelines while the other controls when and how the relationship becomes public. Over time, this behavior can damage the trust and emotional security needed for a healthy, long-term relationship.

How to Address Pocketing

If you suspect you’re being pocketed, it’s important to communicate your feelings openly. Here are some steps to consider:

1. Initiate a Conversation: Approach the topic without accusations, and express your concerns. Ask your partner why you haven’t met their friends or family, and listen to their response.
2. Set Boundaries: If being introduced to your partner’s social circle is important to you, communicate that. Make it clear that you want to be a part of their life in a more public way.
3. Evaluate the Relationship: If your partner is unwiling or unable to introduce you to their social circles after a reasonable amount of time, it may be a sign they are not as committed to the relationship as you are. At this point, it might be time to evaluate whether the relationship aligns with your needs and goals.

Conclusion

Pocketing is a dating behaviour that can be a serious red flag, indicating a lack of commitment, hidden insecurities, or even dishonesty. While it’s natural for some couples to take time before introducing each other to their social circles, prolonged secrecy can lead to feelings of isolation and confuzion. If you suspect you’re being pocketed, open communication is key to understanding your partner’s intentions and ensuring your relationship is built on trust and mutual respect.